Purple paradoxical innuendo

that man that me such a horrible fucking beast so... understood. thats right: understood. so callous so bourgeois so fucking me so... goddamn me

{portable post office}

Pray tell

A different shade of me

Book worm

Flatulence

A warm cup of joe in the morn'

...

Take hands 

Take a breath 

Take yourself & just

GO!!

...

Shoulda looked both ways before talking

Never know which way to sleep

Suicide bores but still comes knocking

Shoulda known. Shoulda been me.

She gabbed...

There's a man walking into a rite aid carrying

a new, still-in-the-box Red Ryder BB gun

over his shoulder

Had this not been such a shady part of town would that have seemed so odd?

{fuck sleep}

I wake with a start; Gasping for breath...

Eyes scan the room, taking it all in. 

It isn't real; it was just a dream...

A nightmare. 

Heart beat pounds in my inner ear. Sweat rolls off my brow. I cannot catch my breath. I roll to my side & clutch the pillow under my head. 

A dream...

A nightmare. Just...

Eyes now dry desert head lamps, full bore. Burning & red. Staring straight forward. 

I'm not going back. Not to That...  

I turn on the light. Make a coffee. Stare a my newest cardboard canvas, just a few lines mark it. 

A dream...

Not a nightmare. Just a dream...

[manifesto blah blah blah #1]

i have been an addict and alcoholic for most of my life and all of my adult life i have tried the straight & narrow path several times, in fact and have been taught to think that to live otherwise is wrong evil bad ... i have been made to attend classes because of my inevitable run-ins with The Law meant to indoctrinate me with this idea to instill in me my inherent wrongness... yet, one of these instructors who noticed something...different in me admitted that repressing this Evil could beget an even worse Evil: binge-ing to repress these things until they blow up can lead to even worse circumstances than allowing a gradual vetting of this...Evil having 2 beers a day is better than abstaining until one blows out and consumes 2 liters of whiskey ... i have repressed i have regressed i need to EXPRESS myself my life my wrongness my evil ME

[...wow...]

I'm where I've never been meant to be, I think... And a bit surprised at the turn of things. Can't imagine what or why...I can't even think... Dawns on me:I am not Me

{cartoid}

Never left... Merely
Wasnt there for a spell
Left something behind...
Something...
Tied to you.
Now the holes in my jeans
& the holes in my shoes
Testament to
my coming home to you
& my journey through
HELL
& back...
For the pain I caused you